My Personal Hell
by Kunoichi21
Summary: I always thought he loved me...What happens when Hikaru leaves Kaoru? R/R please! Rated M for dark themes and Hitachiincest


**WARNINGS: **Dark themes, suicide/self-mutilation, and twincest.

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Hikaru, Kaoru, or OHSHC. All of them belong to Bisco Hatori. The only thing here I own is the plot.

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He left me without a word. It was after our last night together. We fell asleep tangled in each other's arms, just like lovers would, and I ended up alone in the morning. When I awoke, I thought he'd been in our kitchen making breakfast, like he normally would be on weekends. So I got up and pulled out a baggy sleep shirt of his from our dresser and went downstairs. As I made it to the lower level of our house, I saw no trace of him. I called his name and when I got no reply, I panicked. He always answered me. I tried his cell phone, however, it went straight to voicemail. I left no message and figured I'd try later. That was when I noticed the computer screen blinking in the lower right-hand corner to alert me of a new email. I opened the message and read what I had been sent. He wrote me this:

_'Kaoru, when you read this, I will already be hundreds of miles away. I'm sorry for having to do this, because I never wanted to hurt you. To keep from hurting you, I should've walked away from the start. But I'm too selfish. I wanted you too much. So, to prevent this from going any further, I had to leave. I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me at some point, but I wouldn't ever expect you to. Please, take care of yourself, for the both of us. I'll always love you, no matter what._

_Hikaru'_

That one message decided my fate right then and there. I lost all will to live, my mind and body becoming numb. I sank pitifully to the floor and couldn't even summon the strength to pick myself up. I stared at the ceiling for who knows how long and fell asleep, though I was not at peace. I could feel a nightmare forming in my clouded mind and somehow woke myself for the second time that day. The heartache I felt was ten times worse than it had been earlier. I finally forced myself to the bathroom and when I saw my reflection, I was terrified. My skin was pale and sweaty, my cheeks tear stained, and my eyes red and puffy. But when had I cried? I suppose that doesn't matter now. Nothing does any more.

Suddenly, I was looking down at myself, no longer attached to the now empty shell of a body. I could see my hands digging for something under the sink, and when my body stood, I saw the small silver blade glint in the bright light overhead. Immediately my right arm raised the razor blade to my left wrist and pressed hard until the skin turned white from the pressure. Then a long line down to the crease of my elbow was drawn. The once pale skin was stained red in a matter of seconds. An artery had been sliced along the way.

The blood overflowed and ran down my arm, dripping from my elbow to the floor. I was then pulled back into my body and could not stop myself from simply watching the ruby liquid pool around my feet. I was lightheaded and found myself on the floor once more. I was, more or less, sitting slumped against the wall. I raised my arm to continue watching the blood slowly drain the life from my veins, hypnotized. I ended up blacking out.

The last thing I heard was Hikaru shouting in the background, but it was too late for either of us. My soul rose out from my body again, and I looked at the scene playing out before me, almost like a movie, and I saw my dear brother crying hysterically over the lifeless carcass of myself. His clothes had soaked up some of the crimson liquid from the floor and he buried his head in the crook of my neck and sobbed. He screamed for me too. He cried out, asking why I hadn't heard him or waited a little longer.

When his throat was raw and hoarse, he took my now cold hand in his and drew the blade up towards his forearm. He then dug it into his skin and inscribed in himself the word love and on the other arm brother. Oh, how I wanted to return to myself and keep him from doing that, but it felt as though I was being held in place by chains. Still holding my hand, he pulled it to his heart, such a loving gesture. He leaned over me and kissed my icy blue lips and laid his head down on my chest, right by my once beating heart.

I looked on, seeing his breathing slow and become shallow, eventually evening out to nothing. I waited anxiously for his soul to rise up like mine had, but it never came. So, I was condemned to eternity without him. Then, with that last realization, I felt myself fade and wither away, finally joining the countless other departed among the never-ending flames of our personal hells.

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**A/N:** I was in a really weird mood when I wrote this. Please, don't hate me for it, cuz I was kinda pissed off at a video I had watched earlier that night. Oh, and just a somewhat explanation, this kinda came out of no where. I'm serious. I just went to my room and ended up writing this. So...

Anyhoos, reviews would be appreciated, flames, not so much. It's really hot here, and I don't need any more heat to deal with. Till next time, I guess. Ja ne!

Kunoichi21


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